Sex

21 Jun

Gherkin has had his first sex education class today. The conversation on the way home was filled with sniggers. And ashamedly they weren’t his.

Gherkin: Mum, we learnt about how the body changes when you hit puberty.

Me: Oh that’s great. You’re getting to that age now. And you know babe, you can ask me anything if you don’t understand *nonchalant face.

Gherkin: The teacher said we could write down absolutely any word we liked on easel paper to get rid our giggles before we started. So, mum. Don’t shout. I wrote the words DICK and COCK

Me: Riiiiiiiiight *stifles snigger. And how do you know those words?

Gherkin: I just do. And, mum, Bob wrote the word TITS.

Me: *silently sniggers

Gherkin: But then the teacher said we weren’t to use those words and we could only use the words PENIS, VAGINA, BREASTS and SCROTUM.

Me: *silently sniggers

Gherkin: Then, the teacher said we could write any question on a piece of paper and she would answer it. But she refused to answer John’s question because he asked: What is wanking? And she said he had to ask his parents that one.

Me: *chokes back tears

I’m not cut out to parent a pre-pubescent child. Somebody come and take over, please.

15 Responses to “Sex”

  1. thefamilyof5 June 21, 2012 at 17:57 #

    Oh my gosh what a hilarious conversation! I’m sat here sniggering myself!!
    I’m dreading the whole ‘periods’ conversation with my girls but I guess by the 3rd I’ll have perfected it! Lol

  2. lizzie June 21, 2012 at 18:10 #

    It takes me back, I remember my Son saying to me, mummy did you know that i know that you have 4 and i only have 1. four what I asked him..chinas he said knowingly

    and when it comes to periods, i thought I had explained it quite well to my girl with aspergers, so they start at my age now and they finish when you are 50…omg everyday like this until I am 50 I want to die

  3. Betty Rubble June 22, 2012 at 00:59 #

    You seriously had me chuckling! We all dread the conversation, yet when seen through the eyes of a child it becomes a good old fashioned chuckle fest. Good luck!

  4. Kat June 22, 2012 at 12:55 #

    That is funny! Am sat here chuckling too!

  5. adoptionbliss June 22, 2012 at 13:02 #

    That’s all very funny. I’m not sure I’m going to cope well with that conversation.There will be giggles and pink cheeks I think.

  6. Vanessa Chapman June 22, 2012 at 14:10 #

    Just think what it’s like for the poor school teachers! A couple of years ago my daughter had some sex education classes at school and I felt really sorry for their teacher, because he was a young guy, had only qualified as a teacher a couple of years before, so I imagine he was feeling quite anxious about teaching that. My daughter told me that some of the kids were being really mean and asking questions like “Do you do that sir?”. I too was secretly sniggering when she told me.

    • permanentlyinapickle June 22, 2012 at 14:25 #

      It doesn’t bear thinking about. I don’t envy them that job at all!!

    • lostinthewood January 24, 2013 at 15:03 #

      As a science teacher, I’ve got used to having to teach sex education and it now doesn’t phase me at all, though I can still remember how nervous I was the first time.
      The only advice I can offer is to try and be as matter of fact about the topic as you can be – I once had a crowd of 13 year old girls come up to me at the end of a lesson with one primed to ask “Sir, what’s masturbation?” expecting me to be bothered/embarrassed. My reply of “Most commonly it’s digital manipulation of the genitals. Anything else you want to know?” definetly took the wind out of their sails!

      Personal questions get a stock answer of “That’s a personal question, its not appropriate for you to ask it or for me to answer it”. Everything else I try to answer any questions that I get as honestly as I can – the few minutes of a lesson are normally full of silly questions as the pupils try to embarrass me, but they soon stop as they realise that a) they aren’t going to succeed and b) they have an adult who will answer their questions and give them the information they want.

      • permanentlyinapickle March 23, 2013 at 09:46 #

        That’s a great response :). I suppose I need to get over my puerile giggles first :). Thanks for responding. Great advice.

  7. Violets Diary June 22, 2012 at 23:26 #

    Yep, been there, laughed, will be sniggering again when they come out with this year’s little gems. – Who’d be a teacher? Came here from love new blogs btw.

  8. Charlotte July 4, 2012 at 22:12 #

    I don’t know how you didn’t laugh out loud! I will have to practise my serious face when the time comes. Luckily I have lots of time to practise! ;0)

  9. Jaime Oliver October 11, 2012 at 13:49 #

    loving this! my daughter and i had a very similar conversation last year on this subject! and i have to say you did so much better than i, i laughed! (although i couldnt help it) My daughter told me all about ‘wanking’ and ‘foreplay’ !! (she had just turned 10 ) …… bye bye innocence and help preteen!

    • permanentlyinapickle October 17, 2012 at 23:09 #

      It’s so hard to be grown-up when all you want to do is giggle :). Childhood is too short :) Thanks for popping over.

  10. Harriet January 15, 2014 at 23:10 #

    LOL! I was thinking about wanking today (yes really) and mine is only 4.5. Someone told be to give them ALL the information before they’re 10.

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