6 Reasons NOT to Adopt

20 Mar

Adoption isn’t for everyone. Time for the barefaced truth (of sorts)!:

You should NOT adopt:

  1. If you’re a house-proud clean freak who values walls, doors, radiator covers, windows, small terrified pets. Pickle once drew on my white-painted banisters with the puerile excuse of: ‘It was by accident’. It was one hell of a multi-coloured, Pablo-shaming, accident.
  2. If you have an aversion to all things mucky. Pickle eats mud. He loves being smeared from head to spade-sized foot in mud. He adores hog-rolling around in the mud, jumping in the deepest and muddiest of muddy puddles, preferably just as a random stranger is about to walk past. I won’t get into the recent Peppa Pig debate but, without doubt, that porcine swine needs to take a long hard look at her snout.
  3. If you don’t like surprises. Every day is a surprise in adoption. The surprises come in all shapes and sizes. Bruise-shaped. Tantrum-sized. Don’t believe for one minute that the miniature man-mountain bulldozing towards you has his arms open for a cuddle. Oh no, he’s going in for the kill.
  4. If you have low self-esteem. Any dribble of self-esteem you may have will be trampled on. Being told that I was dirty and disgusting was pretty hard to take, but the hard-hitting home-truth that my ‘dancing is rubbish’ tipped me over the edge. (see: How to Pickle a Pickle)
  5. You like everything to stay just where you put it. If you prefer your shoes on your feet or in the shoe cupboard, rather than in the dog’s bed or up trees then you’re…erm… barking up the wrong…erm… tree. Pickle has a shoe-fetish. He steals them right off your feet and hides them in the most obscure places. Any kind of foliage being the clandestine destination of choice.
  6. If you don’t like Lego. Lego is almightier than the Almighty. Lego is the cure-all. Lego knows no bounds. Lego is my hero. There should be a Lego law clearly stating the illegalities of not owning Lego. Sod Pets As Therapy. It’s Lego As Therapy. I’m rambling about Lego. I’m so in love with Lego (apart from Lego of the apparently self-propelling variety, then Lego is baaad!)……enough of the Lego.

The adoption process is long-winded. It is scary. It’s laborious. It’s invasive. It is full of the unknown and the unexpected. It will make your life much harder to start with. It isn’t for everyone. But… she who does not challenge herself, will never be able to build a Lego house. Now how unrewarding is that?

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8 Responses to “6 Reasons NOT to Adopt”

  1. Julia Parry-Jones March 20, 2012 at 18:20 #

    This should be entitled 6reasonsNOT to have Children , none of it is specific to adoption , I realise it’s meant to be ‘lighthearted’ , however the thing you MUST know about adoption is that for most adopted kids , it is not, and never can be a ‘lighthearted ‘ thing, your natural parent ‘giving you away’ for most adoptees is ever present and painful . I speak as one who knows, having two children , one adopted one natural , they were both messy and for the most part hard work , that’s parenthood , not just adoptive parenthood . Good luck with it !

    • permanentlyinapickle March 20, 2012 at 19:55 #

      You’re quite right, this absolutely applies to parenting as a whole. I take your point. It is in no way meant to undermine the importance of adoption. Just a simple, light-hearted take on moments in my own personal post-adoption life and is specific to my life as an adoptive parent. Not intended to denigrate the pain that adoptees feel. The last paragraph indicates how important and rewarding I personally find post-adoption life. Without a sense of humour, this journey would have been a much rockier ride for me, I’m sure. Wishing you all the best and thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

  2. adoptandkeepcalm March 20, 2012 at 18:34 #

    Love it – and so true. I did a post about ‘Lego therapy’ – wouldn’t be without it!

    • permanentlyinapickle March 20, 2012 at 19:57 #

      Thanks. Will pop on and see your Lego post. We couldn’t survive without it. Best invention EVER! 🙂

  3. Sally Donovan March 21, 2012 at 10:42 #

    It is so important to hang on to your sense of humour. Parenting traumatised children is hard and made easier by being able to laugh now and then and of course that in no way takes away from the experience of the child.
    And it is different, very different for most of us. The Adoption UK message boards are not groaning under the pressure of parents under stress because they have all got thiings a little out of perspective.
    Great blog piece – it rang very true for me.

  4. Threebecomefour March 31, 2012 at 09:32 #

    LOL love this post! Very funny and accurate for all parents!

  5. Gail April 6, 2012 at 18:23 #

    Very funny, you definitely have to keep your humour with adoption!

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