10 Confessions of an Imperfect Parent

27 Apr
  • Vocal exercises: I exercise my voice. Often. Erm…would we call it shouting? *rubs chin. Possibly, at times. I can go berserk over trivial twaddle. I always sweat the small stuff – a breach of one of the cardinal parenting mantras by all accounts. The kids stare in bewilderment, or just laugh at me.
  • Patience: Patience is an effort for me. It isn’t a God-given gift. It requires much thought and concentration. I’ve always been patient with dogs, birds, squirrels, and teeny weeny cutesy bunny wabbits, even other people’s children on occasion. BUT I have sod-all tolerance with my own kids at times. This has improved hugely since Pickle’s arrival. He is helping me to slowly perfect my imperfect patience.
  • Alcohol: Those of you who pop by my blog for a ‘brew’ and a biscuit now and then will know that I’m partial to a shot of Bacardi and a slurp of Rosey. But. In all fairness. Never in the same glass. So that’s good.
  • Profanity: I swear. Yes, as terrible as it is to disclose. It’s true, I have sworn in front of the children. Not out of habit of course, but out of sheer and utter crappy parental frustration. Never intentionally. And always with regret. I have never dropped a ‘feck’ or c-bomb in front of them. Yet! That’s what this blog is for. Put your fingers in your ears now.
  • Façade: I frequently feign interest in what my kids say to me. I flash the sideways glance that, in some kind of perverse way, makes them believe I am vaguely paying attention to the fact that a) Pickle has eaten his fifth bogey of the day, or that b) Gherkin nutmegged a player on the football pitch. I’m a girl for feck’s sake. How do I know what nutmegging is? And why do I remotely care? I don’t even know if I’ve conjugated the verb correctly in that context. How can it even BE a verb?
  • Covertness: I have been known to listen to one of the kids reading, whilst furtively texting with the other hand.
  • Ignorance: I have turned the radio up louder in an attempt to drown out the noise of the fierce and doubtless bloody battle taking place upstairs, rather than acknowledge it/deal with it/split it up.
  • Childishness: Recently, I cowered under a cloak of juvenile embarrassment, sniggering, when asked what a ‘vagina’ was by Gherkin. Of course, that would have been the perfect opportunity to bring out the books and have that all-important grown-up discussion. But let’s be honest, ‘vagina’ is a highly amusing word at the best of times. *sniggers more.
  • Overt falsehoods: I massage the truth, tell half-truths, prevaricate; all entiiiirely different from telling lies, you understand. There is nothing more galling to me than when the kids tell lies. My children NEVER get into trouble for speaking the truth *shuffles in seat. Since I have eyes in the back of my head, and spies everywhere, they dare not lie. If they do indulge in any whopper-flinging, they are fed mivvits for tea and made to sit on a cold wall, which WILL give them chincough!
  • Embarrassment: I am an embarrassment to my kids. I have been told twice, this very morning, to behave myself. I am not to quote any lines from He-Man and certainly not to draw my invisible sword in the playground, whilst dramatically proclaiming “By the power of Greyskull…”. It’s not big, it’s not clever and it just shows your age….apparently!

I confess: I am a thoroughly imperfect parent.

 

 

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21 Responses to “10 Confessions of an Imperfect Parent”

  1. Jennifer Duncan (@LuvFoodCookFood) April 27, 2012 at 18:06 #

    Aren’t we all? Just like our parents before us. As will our children be to their children. Hope that makes sense to you. In other words all we can do is our best and give them loads of love and cuddles. 🙂

    • permanentlyinapickle April 27, 2012 at 18:13 #

      I’m the most perfect parent ever on Fridays, when the kids are at my imperfect parent’s house. (sorry mum..pahahahaa). At least you can bake, Jen 😉

  2. averagechildhood April 27, 2012 at 18:23 #

    Guilty too of facade and covertness. I have to start playing He-Man in the playground though, that sounds awesome!

    • permanentlyinapickle April 27, 2012 at 18:27 #

      Even his friend looked embarrassed. That’s when I knew I had crossed the line. Oops!

  3. Mrs Vander-cave April 27, 2012 at 19:01 #

    Practically imperfect in everyway is soooo much more interesting than Mary poppins parenting will ever be! And remember if you are perfect your kids just complain that you never gave them any hang ups to complain about! I am an imperfect parent and proud of it!

  4. ellengantley April 27, 2012 at 20:36 #

    were all inperfect parents tell me one thats not xxxxxxxxx

  5. Vanessa Chapman April 27, 2012 at 21:48 #

    Yep, I can relate to all of those. I once shouted at my daughter to stop hicupping because it was getting on my nerves – how unreasonable is that! I did apologise after wards though. I think it’s good for kids to see that we’re not perfect, otherwise they will only worry that they won’t be able to live up to the high standards we have set. No worries there for most of us, hehe.

    • permanentlyinapickle April 27, 2012 at 22:00 #

      Oh that really made me chuckle, Vanessa. No induction needed, you’ve been freely admitted to the World of Parenting Crapness. Love it.

  6. Catherine Burden (@AlwaysARedhead) April 27, 2012 at 23:34 #

    Welcome to the world of parenting – we are all imperfect in some way or another. 🙂

  7. @babberblog April 28, 2012 at 00:15 #

    Love this post 🙂

    Any child that can not appreciate He-Man doesn’t deserve a high quality parent who is ABLE to recite lines from it! 😉

  8. Daley_84 April 28, 2012 at 00:29 #

    Mu girls aren’t old enough to be embarrassed to be seen with me yet but I am 100% sure and proud to know that I am totally going to be an embarrassing dad. However I already have plenty of embarrassing photos of them to ‘bribe’ them with when they are older. Great post, I can’t believe your son is embarrassed cos you want to play He-Man, was it cos you said he had to be the cat ?

    • permanentlyinapickle April 28, 2012 at 19:00 #

      He didn’t even know who He-Man was *shock. His friend mentioned a He-Man DVD that he had and I was simply and demonstratively trying to explain the programme. I couldn’t remember the name of the armoured cat. He was Cringer to begin with then he turned into???? I’m glad you intend to be utterly embarrassing, too.

  9. Vanessa Chapman April 28, 2012 at 18:43 #

    On the embarassment front, it gets worse the older they get. My 13 year old daughter goes to a youth club on a Friday evening, and last night after I picked her up she said “Next time you pick me up please don’t smile, it’s embarrassing”. You’re really not allowed to do anything when you have a teenager!

    • permanentlyinapickle April 28, 2012 at 18:47 #

      You’re not allowed to smile? Blimey, I’d better get me a Hannibal Lecter mask. This is baaaad news.

  10. Stix April 28, 2012 at 23:19 #

    Ha ha, love it. We’re definitely imperfect parents here too.
    I confess to every single one of your imperfections too! I especially swear, in front of the children, although I’m getting better at not. And have never used the f or c-words!
    However, when reading with one of Mini’s classmates the other day, the story was about children getting covered in mud, and I asked this kid what he thought the mum in the story would say. He replied ‘well, my mum says ‘you fookin dirty little beggars’ so she’d probably say that!’
    Out of the mouths of babes….

  11. Jo Brianti May 16, 2012 at 09:53 #

    Thank you – what a refreshingly honest view of parenting – this is me so frequently! I’m not yet an embarrassment but look forward to it ….:o)

    • permanentlyinapickle May 16, 2012 at 22:24 #

      I remember my dad embarrassing me once in a shop by pointing out a spot on my chin, I never forgave him. You’d think i would therefore understand. But it does give you a bizarrely cruel sense of pleasure.

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