Yummy Mummy Meme

21 Jun

Blimey, I’ve been ‘got’ again. The lovely Jess at Catching A Single Thought thinks I might be in the running to be a yummy mummy.

Apparently, the answers to these questions shall determine my worthiness.

Though if I pass, I will sell you my soul if you would please refrain from mentioning it to Cherie Blair. After her comments yesterday, I couldn’t bear it if she stripped me of all nail polish, my Manny Poppins, and his rather LARGE….brolly. *shudders

OK, here are the rules:

1. When answering the question give as much detail as possible.  It’s all about the finer details people!
2. Leave a comment here (Busybeemummybex blog where the meme was created).
3. Tag three or more people and link them to your blog.
4. Tweet #yummymummy when you share on Twitter.

Here’s comes the initiation:

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
CRINGE. Throw the duvet over my head, wait for the rhythmic drumming of thunderous feet, and BRAAAAACE as the weight of 6 elephants lands on my head. Then I feign a smile, whilst seriously resenting the fact that I can never wake up gradually to the sound of the ocean and defecating seagulls.

Do you shower daily?  Are you an early morning shower or an evening bath type?
Yes, of course I shower and/or bath every day. At some point. I like both equally. Choice depends on stresses of the day or which room I can escape to unnoticed in under a minute. I have been known, on a rushed morning, to act on a bit of Impulse. An evening bath will have surely followed. I’m sure. Yes, it will have. Definitely. I’m sure. *clears throat.

Do you wear make-up daily?
Abso-blinkin-lutely.  Those of you who have seen my natural beauty know there is no naturalness, nor indeed any beauty. My face was born for make-up. That or a wide, flat shovel.

What’s in your make-up bag?
A mish-mash of cheap and cheerful, branded make-up; 1 never-been-washed concealer brush; 3 cotton buds; dental floss; an old plaster (used) *hangs head in shame; a rogue tampon (not used, obviously) *redeems self.

When you’re having a slummy mummy day, what do you normally wear?
This is probably most days for me. Working from home means I tend to have my own school-run/dog-walking uniform: jeans, jumper, boots/wellies.

Nails – how often do you get them done?
I had them done for 2 recent nights out. I paid the GDP of a small country to have luscious, non-chip Shellac nails, which chipped 3 days later as I was putting my Bacardi glass in the dishwasher.

Your top tips for tired eyes?
Like ‘em, lump ‘em. Until the kids have left home. By that time, my tip will be Anusol for the wrinkles.

Are you a Starbucks or Costa Coffee kind of girl? 
Nothing beats a brew. English Breakfast tea that is. None of the liver-detoxing, colon-cleansing, flavoured muck. Since I don’t particularly like the tea in either place, I am basing my decision on the choice of patisseries. Starbucks wins by a brownie thanks to its lip-smacking, hip-packing Rocky Road. Ooh, and that spongey cake thingy with the raspberry and coconut gunk on top.

How many children do you have/want?
I have 2 rugrats, and I think that’s it for us. There has been talk of purchasing another, but surprisingly that conversation only takes place during a behaviourally-stable period. The rest of the time, it’s HELL NOOOOOO.

What is your favourite place to shop for babies/children’s clothes?
George at Asda. I utterly begrudge spending shed-loads of money on clothes that my kids will grow out of 4 hours later. I am unyielding on this one. My kids look like feral street-urchins. They don’t even have shoes. Just cabbage leaves as moccasins. But hey, that means more money for Bacardi and Porn Star Martinis.

Flats or Heels?  Everyday shoes are?
When Gherkin started school, I used to wear heels all the time. Well, c’mon, you never know when Gorgeous Hot Dad might be around.

Apparently, though, wearing heels means you’re high-maintenance. It’s what THEY say. Apparently. So I hear. I just thought they made you slightly-taller-than-average and your tushy wiggle more. These days, mainly because I need to run lightning-fast to catch Pickle, it’s the flattest of flats. Which generally means my tushy drags on the ground.

Am I in? Am I? Surely the nails get me in?

I really wanted to be a rebel and tag some yummy daddies in this meme. But I think I could be banished from the Blogosphere, and sent to live a life of prayer and penance for rule-breaking. So it’s down to the following ladies to keep the meme a-rolling.

Franglaise Mummy

Vanessa @ Vanessa Chapman

Sarah @ Glasgow Mummy

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