14 Jul

7 more school days until the end of term.

“Whoop whoop”, shriek the small things. “Oh, for the L o v e  of  G o d”, shriek I.

7 more school days until I lose my sanity to the unavoidable repeating of the same phrases over and over again, like some oversized demented parrot.

7 more school days until I morph into a human spider, scurrying to the glut of importunate demands thrown at me from every conceivable angle.

After the somewhat disastrous previous holidays back in May, which saw us on a one-way ticket to Meltdownville, I have decided to take a more proactive stance this time around.

I aim to prevent any displays of excited anger and avoid drawing the attention of the mordant masses by completely kowtowing to my little urchins in pursuit of The Easy Life. I have a solid vision of what I wish to accomplish: peace, harmony and general survival.

So, to ensure I don’t suffer at the hands of two small destructive gremlins and find myself strung to an oscillating ceiling fan, I launched myself into a Jacuzzi of Bacardi, with a pen, a diary and the National Trust’s What’s On Guide.

I have planned to fill as many days as possible with as many exhausting activities as possible, rather than stress my cerebral synapses one iota.

It’s the fight or flight response, and although my kids know how to use the microwave and a tin opener, I’m thinking flight probably isn’t the best option when it comes to a 5 year old and a 10 year old.

So fight I shall.

I’m going to burst my bubbles of selfish escape: put down my books, put away my phone, close my laptop and overindulge my kids in time with me. I’m attempting to be going to be FUN MUM EXTRAORDINAIRE for 6 WHOLE WEEKS.

Plenty of outdoor activities. Plenty of fresh air. As much time away from the house as possible in a bid to prevent tedium and the bad behaviour it spawns, which in turn means both kids have a modicum chance of returning to school with all limbs intact and fully functioning.

Obviously, the rain is bound to come and piddle on my parade. If Mother Nature’s pelvic floor lets her – and me – down, you may have to come and retrieve my mutilated body from the blender, and reaffix the dismembered limbs that my charming little soldiers have ripped from each other.

*Bummer. Suddenly realises urgent need for rainy-day contingency plan.

In the meantime, I still have a few empty spaces on my calendar, so if you’d like me to come over and drink your coffee/tea/Bacardi, while my gremlins disable the brakes on your car, short-circuit your electrics, and set fire to your pets, give me a call and I’ll pencil you in.

OR, better still.

If you would like to provide lodgings my über-feral children for a few days – in the name of friendship – that would also work for me.


What are your plans? Are the hols filling you with the same imminent dread, or are you loving the thought of not having to force a fake-cheery morning grin on the school run for the next 6 weeks?


9 Responses to “Countdown”

  1. Stix July 14, 2012 at 18:43 #

    Extreme planning in progress here. Activities or rest planned for every day, but can be swapped or cancelled should something better come along.
    With a plan, I feel more in control. And I have something to combat the ‘i’m bored’ whines that are inevitable. I’ve even got some respite as I’ve got funding for Mini to attend some sessions at a local activity camp set-up thingy!

    You are welcome to come and drink a few glasses/bottles of Rosey here, bring the kids, yours can teach mine how to disable car brakes, mine can teach yours how to torture insects with the strimmer….

    • permanentlyinapickle July 15, 2012 at 11:33 #

      Great to get some ‘you’ time in there as well. I am hoping being more organised will do the trick. Be careful what you wish for there. You could find me on your doorstep 😉

  2. adoptandkeepcalm July 14, 2012 at 21:46 #

    ha ha ha, great! Not sure what my thoughts are. Bonzo will love the time at home with no outside pressures, but will make going to school even more explosive after 6 weeks of home life!

    • permanentlyinapickle July 15, 2012 at 11:06 #

      Going to be a tough one. Maybe some short breaks away from each other the week beforehand?

      • adoptandkeepcalm July 15, 2012 at 20:34 #

        Yes, that might be a plan. Though I think whatever we do, the reaction is going to happen.

  3. Vanessa Chapman July 15, 2012 at 08:37 #

    I definitely think you have the right attitude there. Giving up on the idea of doing anything for yourself, and just accepting that you must devote your time to keeping them active and entertained for the duration of the school break will probably be much less stressful all round!

    I still have to work some of the time over the holidays, but I have quite a bit of time off, or can do some working from home. As mine are older, it gets a little easier in some ways – although not as much easier as I expected when they were younger! My 13 year old does makes a lot of her own arrangements now, off with friends etc. My 10 year old always does a 3 day football thing which runs in every school holiday (twice in the summer!). We live pretty near the beach, or several beaches (nearest one about 10 mins drive), so any sunny holiday days will see us heading off there, and if I let them bring a friend or two then I am let off from hole digging duties and can actually relax and do nothing for a while!

    • permanentlyinapickle July 15, 2012 at 11:03 #

      Oh to live near a beach. That would be fantastic. We’re doing the footy camp too. Well, that’s the idea. Hopefully Pickle won’t have a freak out. Fingers crossed I can last the full 6 weeks. 🙂

  4. anne July 15, 2012 at 14:31 #

    Well, usually I look forward to the summer hols but we are moving to a place where we know no one and the prospect of entertaining the kids in the pouring rain leaves me with a mental block. So wished we lived near you then I could come and drink your tea xxxx

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